Ok, ok. Happiness is more than just a warm puppy.

Believe me, I know. Maggie has my nerves past the point of being completely shot. But that's another post for another day.

Today, Internet, I am going to reveal something so much deeper and more personal than I have ever shared... with anyone.

Let's start at fall of 2007. I got off to a rough start post-college. I spent a little over five months feverishly searching for my first "real" job, going on plenty of interviews, second interviews and even some third interviews. But the end result was always the same. They wanted someone with more experience. [In my head, I was thinking, "Sure. And thank you for the wonderful waste of my precious time."]

Because I had no job and no income, I had to move back into my parents' house. As you know from this post, this post and this post, you know how frustrating and disheartening it was to have to return to such madness.

Fall of 2007 brought a lot of changes. I began feeling the stress of a long-term relationship being pulled apart, the excitement of starting a new job and the reluctance of wanting to grow up. Not to mention the sensory overload of living at home.

I finally confessed to the guy I was dating at the time that I was unsure about things. A lot of things. Including our relationship.

By early 2008, I realized that the job I took was not right for me... at all.

And of course, my home life was a complete mess.

Apparently those, among many other things, were just too much for me to handle. I wasn't sleeping, and I started to lose my appetite for any and everything that I had once loved.

Sometime during the middle of 2008, I ended a relationship of three and a half years. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I thought it would help relieve some of the pressure I was feeling, but it did the exact opposite.

Not too long after that, I began to lose it. I literally lost myself. I didn't just crack under the pressure, I collapsed.

I finally talked to my doctor about it, and we came to the conclusion that I had been suffering with depression. A year and a half of my life was spent depressed, and I had no idea.

He gave me some medication- of which I took one. For some reason, the thought of being chemically altered in such a way freaked me out more that the hysterics I was going into on a daily basis. So that night, I swore I'd get through it on my own.

Which brings us to today. Here I am, nearly six months later, and I am happier than I think I have ever been.

The only reason I'm reflecting on this now is because I stumbled upon this post about how you can, in a way, control your own happiness. Looking back, I see that the only thing that was keeping me from being myself, my usual happy self, was me. And it wasn't until I made myself commit to being a stronger person that I felt real happiness.

So on those days when you feel like nothing matters anymore, be strong and remember that you are in control of who you are. Find the little things that make you happy, and do them. Find the people that make you happy, and be with them.

It will make all the difference in the world.