A Charlie Brown Christmas

As this whimsical day comes to a close, I'm happy to report that it was a better day than I thought it would be.

I started the day with the Charlie Brown attitude. He said that he didn't like Christmas because he always felt let down. While I've always loved this holiday, this has been a roller coaster of a year and, I haven't had much time or mental bandwidth to think about the joy of Christmas.

I'm still recovering from months [...maybe years...] of emotional trauma. I haven't found a solution to my health issues that doesn't result in severe abdominal pain or increased emotional sensitivity. I'm just now feeling settled in my new apartment. I'm still struggling to feel like I'm accomplishing something, or at least making up for wasted time.

But I promised myself yesterday that I would quit reflecting on what I feel like was a crappy year and start thinking about all of my Christmas memories.

For example, I remember when we didn't really need to put a spending limit on gifts. At five years old, I didn't understand that Christmas was more than My Little Pony suitcases, Lite-Brites and plastic kitchen sets. I remember that Christmas morning like it was yesterday. I had apparently been an angel that year because there were SO MANY TOYS under the tree.

Then there was another Christmas when all my brothers wanted was money. I was still all about the toys. So while I was playing with my Barbie dolls, Barbie house and Barbie convertible, my dad sent my brothers on this wild scavenger hunt throughout the house. Each clue led to another twenty dollar bill. It was so fun to watch them play this little game.

I finally came back to my parents' house last night, with my head full of these great memories and hopes that Christmas would be that exciting again. But instead of feeling full of Christmas cheer, I became frustrated. No one planned for Christmas dinner, and all of the grocery stores had already closed. I was pissed off because what was my bedroom three weeks ago is now a dumping ground for stuff that doesn't have a place to go [aka- "cheap crap that should be thrown away"]. And I was already tired. Of everything.

I was the queen of bitter last night. But once everyone went to sleep, I made up my bed on the couch and watched a bit of TV. I had had my fill of It's a Wonderful Life and White Christmas, so I turned on Frasier.

The memories of my childhood Christmases kept coming back to me, so I indulged my nostalgic side and stared into the Christmas tree, eying each and every ornament that we've collected over the years. Then I went looking through some of the little Christmas items that we set out around the tree, and I came upon a book my grandfather had given me. After my most recent breakdown over losing him, I prepped myself for another cryfest and began reading the book.

Christmas Blessings is full of Christmas poems by Helen Steiner Rice. And I cannot tell you how uplifting they were. By the time I got through half the book, I was feeling the Christmas spirit again.

I woke up this morning with an energy that I can't begin to explain. I rummaged through the pantry and fridge and was able to drum up a pretty nice Christmas dinner. I even cleaned the living room and got everything ready for a great afternoon/evening with the family.

When we all sat down together, it was like someone had sprinkled the house with happy dust. THERE WAS NOT ONE ARGUMENT. This right here tells me that hell had to have frozen over for at least three hours.

We ate, watched A Christmas Story and opened our fantastic gifts. In perfect harmony. My mom and I are still talking about how we think this was truly the best Christmas we've ever had. There was nothing special or spectacular about it. But it was wonderful.

And the best part of the day? Maggie didn't eat one Christmas present [...yet].